What They Don't Tell You About Being A Mom
March of 2016 I remember desperately praying for good news as I looked at the pregnancy test in my hand. As the little plus sign popped up, I ran and told my husband. I could not believe we were going to be parents!
As the months passed slowly, we prepared as best we could. I thought I had it all together. I had read every book and prepared the nursery and bought everything we thought we needed. I was prepared.
Little did I know that evening in November as I lay in the hospital and my mom put my son back in my arms that I would feel totally unprepared. My family left for the night and my husband, Jaxton and I were on our own.
I had no idea what I was doing and the stress set in.
He's nine months old now and as the months have gone by, things have finally evened out and the days aren't so long. But there are things I wish I knew beforehand. I pray the things I experienced may hope some other new moms as they start their stories.
1. I wish I had known it would be painful.
Now I know you're seeing that thinking, "Of course childbirth is painful!". Well, I knew childbirth wouldn't be fun but I didn't have any idea that recovery would be even worse. I ended up needing stitches and man... 2 months later it finally stopped hurting but it took almost a year for our marital relationship to be back to normal. It's okay to ask your doctor for help! Believe me, there are more people like you than you probably realize.
2. I wish I had known it's not always love at first sight.
After all the medication wore off and I was a bit uncomfortable, I started to realize even though I had carried this baby with me for almost ten months, I wasn't really sure what I felt for him. I knew I wanted to care for him and probably that I loved him, but I didn't have that overwhelming sense of butterflies and hearts you get when you see your crush across the room. I thought that I would instantly fall into a deep love with this child and it didn't happen. I wondered what part I had messed up. Turns out love grows. Every single day I love him more and more and more. I don't know where I would be without him today.
2. I wish I knew it was okay to be sad.
Having a baby is hard when you've never done it. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually... and it's ok if you don't feel just like yourself! Talk to someone you trust. Get some advice. Talk to your doctor. If you have a significant other, talk to them. Pray and turn to Scripture. I did almost none of these things and I should have because it would have helped me get back to being myself. I think it really helps to do things you like again. Whatever hobbies or friends or job you like, get back at it. It will help!
3. I wish I had known breastfeeding was hard.
In my mind, I was so sure that the moment your baby was born, they just breastfed like it was natural. It's not. They have no idea how to do it! They have the inclination to suck but that's it. It took me weeks to get it down and I still stopped after three months. I was stressed out of my mind and that just added on more to the plate. After I stopped I felt a sigh of relief. Know that whether you choose to do formula, breastfeed for a year or breastfeed for just a couple months, it's all okay! Don't get down on yourself for not being good enough. It's hard to take care of your baby. You will do what is best for the both of you!
4. I wish I had taken better care of myself.
When it comes down to it, to be a good mom you have to take care of yourself. I put every bit of me into my son and ended up being exhausted and apathetic. Recently, I made a list for myself of all the things that needed to happen so I can be a better mom.
1. I needed to quit my job. A lot of people can work and be a mom and thrive off of that but I couldn't. I was tired and sad and really just not being the person I knew I should be.
2. I wanted to play piano again. I used to play all the time and stopped sometime while I was pregnant. I just started back up a few weeks ago and it's been amazing!
3. I needed to exercise and drink more water. I've always been a healthy person but was really getting down on myself for not losing my baby weight. I'm the only person who can change that! And if you don't lose it all it's okay! You have a different body since you gave birth. Wear it with pride!
4. I wanted to read my Bible everyday. I stopped doing this too because I told myself I didn't have time. Well during his first nap everyday I read 20 pages. I feel so much better throughout my day. It's makes a huge difference.
For everyone the list will be different. Everyone has their own little quirks. But for me, so much of it was about knowing I'm taking care of myself. No matter what's going on, I get dressed and put on makeup. We go somewhere everyday. Jaxton is my world and I need to be a better person for him.
Being a mom is hard. Part of me knew that, but I didn't realize it until it happened. Everyday is a challenge and everyday I need to get on my knees and ask God for strength. I could not be a mother without His ultimate example of being the perfect Father.
What have I learned about being a mom? That you matter, and that the hard and fast unending love I have for my son is only a sliver of what my heavenly Father has for me.
Psalm 46:5
"God is within her, she will not fall."
Joshua 1:9
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
1 Corinthians 15:10
"By the grace of God, I am what I am."
1 Corinthians 16:14
"Let all that you do be done in love."
Look for Part II coming soon!
2. I wish I had known it's not always love at first sight.
After all the medication wore off and I was a bit uncomfortable, I started to realize even though I had carried this baby with me for almost ten months, I wasn't really sure what I felt for him. I knew I wanted to care for him and probably that I loved him, but I didn't have that overwhelming sense of butterflies and hearts you get when you see your crush across the room. I thought that I would instantly fall into a deep love with this child and it didn't happen. I wondered what part I had messed up. Turns out love grows. Every single day I love him more and more and more. I don't know where I would be without him today.
2. I wish I knew it was okay to be sad.
Having a baby is hard when you've never done it. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually... and it's ok if you don't feel just like yourself! Talk to someone you trust. Get some advice. Talk to your doctor. If you have a significant other, talk to them. Pray and turn to Scripture. I did almost none of these things and I should have because it would have helped me get back to being myself. I think it really helps to do things you like again. Whatever hobbies or friends or job you like, get back at it. It will help!
3. I wish I had known breastfeeding was hard.
In my mind, I was so sure that the moment your baby was born, they just breastfed like it was natural. It's not. They have no idea how to do it! They have the inclination to suck but that's it. It took me weeks to get it down and I still stopped after three months. I was stressed out of my mind and that just added on more to the plate. After I stopped I felt a sigh of relief. Know that whether you choose to do formula, breastfeed for a year or breastfeed for just a couple months, it's all okay! Don't get down on yourself for not being good enough. It's hard to take care of your baby. You will do what is best for the both of you!
4. I wish I had taken better care of myself.
When it comes down to it, to be a good mom you have to take care of yourself. I put every bit of me into my son and ended up being exhausted and apathetic. Recently, I made a list for myself of all the things that needed to happen so I can be a better mom.
1. I needed to quit my job. A lot of people can work and be a mom and thrive off of that but I couldn't. I was tired and sad and really just not being the person I knew I should be.
2. I wanted to play piano again. I used to play all the time and stopped sometime while I was pregnant. I just started back up a few weeks ago and it's been amazing!
3. I needed to exercise and drink more water. I've always been a healthy person but was really getting down on myself for not losing my baby weight. I'm the only person who can change that! And if you don't lose it all it's okay! You have a different body since you gave birth. Wear it with pride!
4. I wanted to read my Bible everyday. I stopped doing this too because I told myself I didn't have time. Well during his first nap everyday I read 20 pages. I feel so much better throughout my day. It's makes a huge difference.
For everyone the list will be different. Everyone has their own little quirks. But for me, so much of it was about knowing I'm taking care of myself. No matter what's going on, I get dressed and put on makeup. We go somewhere everyday. Jaxton is my world and I need to be a better person for him.
Being a mom is hard. Part of me knew that, but I didn't realize it until it happened. Everyday is a challenge and everyday I need to get on my knees and ask God for strength. I could not be a mother without His ultimate example of being the perfect Father.
What have I learned about being a mom? That you matter, and that the hard and fast unending love I have for my son is only a sliver of what my heavenly Father has for me.
Psalm 46:5
"God is within her, she will not fall."
Joshua 1:9
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
1 Corinthians 15:10
"By the grace of God, I am what I am."
1 Corinthians 16:14
"Let all that you do be done in love."
Look for Part II coming soon!
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