What They Don't Tell You About Being A Wife

Ever since I was about 12 I had been dreaming about the day I would get married. I constantly clipped pictures out of magazines and made all sorts of collages with wedding colors and dresses. When Pinterest came along it was full of wedding and home ideas!
I started dating my husband in 2013 and we were married 15 months later.
It has been an amazing time! I have absolutely loved making a home with him. We have gotten to know each other better and have really grown a lot in the past three years.
But it hasn't all been hunky dory. There's been lots of opportunities to learn in every aspect. I want to share some of our struggles and learnings and I hope some others can learn from our story.

1. I wish I knew we would argue. A lot.
Now, I'm not saying it's okay to argue, but it's going to happen. And it's not just big huge blow ups. In most cases, that rarely happens. But everyday it seems like there's something silly to be frustrated at. Those little silly things can really drain you out. We've had a few days or even a couple weeks in a row where neither of us are in a good mood and we take it out on each other. Every single day. Silly stuff that shouldn't be a huge problem. And when you look back at it, you just wonder why you had spent so much wasted time on nonsense. There's only so much life and I want to work harder everyday to spend more and more time being gracious and kind and happy.
One of my favorite movies ever was the remake of Disney's Cinderella. The main moral of the story is the line her mother always told her. "Have courage and be kind." What if we all lived like that?

2. I wish I knew the house wasn't always gonna be clean.
Caleb and I are both VERY type A. I wish everything looked amazing all the time. When I host people, I want things to look beautiful and I tend to get really stressed about it. To the point I know it drives Caleb and everyone else crazy. While I will never give up a clean home and hosting people the way I was taught, I need to stop stressing out about it. When it comes down to what matters in life, my house appearance really doesn't matter. And now that I have a baby boy who is growing up too quickly, I know messes will be everywhere. They really just mean it's going to be fun. Life is messy and that's okay!
Check out this super funny video that really encompasses me perfectly. The first minute is the funny part.
Company Is Coming

3. I wish I knew family life wasn't always easy.
I think the hardest thing about getting married thus far isn't even my husband (I love you Caleb haha).  It's family. I have always been a huge family person. I love getting to visit my parents and hanging out whenever we can. But when you get married there are three families. Two sides, plus your new family, triple everything. Learning to balance both sides I think is the hardest part for everyone everywhere. I was always so worried about where we were going to spend Christmas and all the holidays. Who was going to see who when? It drove me crazy trying to think about balancing it all. So Caleb and I sat down and came up with a plan. I suggest everyone do the same thing! We picked out what would be our main game plan for each big holiday and the rest of the weekends we play by ear. The most important part is your new immediate family. Now that I have kids, it's important we spend Christmas mornings together as a family. Then we can plan what we do with our extended family. It's all about balance. This will always be a hard line to walk, but it's a learning process just like the rest of marriage!

4. I wish I knew how to balance priorities better.
Being organized and learning how to prioritize is key to a healthy marriage. If you spend too much time on what you think is important to get done, you may not have time left to spend on what's really important. Spend time with the people you love. Money isn't important, stuff isn't important. What is important is family and experience and time. So spend it wisely.

5. I wish someone told me sex wasn't always easy.
The secular world is constantly telling you how sex should be. And the interesting thing is that the Church doesn't spend as much time as I feel necessary teaching young married couples how sex should look. Now, I know I haven't been married as long as others, but I do know it takes work. It doesn't always come easy and it's not always natural. I felt so inadequate because I'm such a small person and it was so painful and almost impossible at the beginning. But no one told me that was abnormal. I didn't know it was okay to ask a doctor for help. But it has completely changed our marital life for the better. Please don't be afraid to ask someone you trust for help or opinions or to ask you doctor. No one deserves to think they aren't good enough. There are more people out there like this than you realize. You aren't the only one!
A friend of mine from college, Becca Patton, says it much better than I can. Check out her article here! How I learned to relax...

And MOST IMPORTANTLY!
I wish I had made God the center from the beginning.
My husband is a pastor. I feel like people are always thinking, "they must be amazing Christians!". But it's not true! We struggle just as much as anyone else. I need a daily reminder to put Christ at the center. Because without him our marriage means nothing. He is the perfect example of love and sacrifice. He is the reason marriage exists. He is the reason we can share love with each other and share Christ with the world.

Marriage is hard. But's it's such a beautiful example of like in Christ and his love for us. Let's make the most of it!

1 Peter 4:8
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

Colossians 3:13
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Romans 12:16
"Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!"

Ephesians 4:29
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Part III coming soon!

*post updated September 5, 2017 to include link to article in number 5 and Bible verses at the end.